GLASS HOUSES

If it's not one disaster it's another. Where, oh where, is my Drama Free Zone? Where is the balance? Why is finding that so hard? I think we are conditioned in this busy crazy world of ours, to crave the chaos--we want the balance of a serene existence but it is so far out of what we are used to, that we make our own crazy to feel "normal". Whatever that is.

It's an ADD thing--I concentrate on something for a while and then get distracted. My distraction this time was SUMMER. On my "Bucket List" was to get my motorcycle endorsement. I got my motorcycle in November of 2008. It was too wintery outside to ride it so when the sun broke out in February 2009 (the 21st to be exact) My current (bleck!) boyfriend and I met the gang for a ride. I was doing well and starting to get comfortable. On the way home I was following my boyfriend who was traveling too fast for me to keep up. Now, we were only a mile or so from my house and I knew perfectly well where I was going. Did I slow down to a speed more suitable to my skill level? Nooooooo  I was rounding what I will now refer to as The Curve of Death (which can be identified by all the skid marks of other poor fools on the concrete barrier), hit a patch of gravel and slid right into the barrier. I don't remember what happened next until I looked down at my poor, useless left arm da...

So after studying up a little on how to present myself in an online profile, I created a totally new one. I wrote it up yesterday and posted it with the promise of current pictures to come. Without the pictures I got 3 responses and got pretty stoked that this might be the beginning of some dating action. So I ran home last night and took (what I thought) were some decent pictures of lil ol me. Now I have ALWAYS taken awful pictures and it's difficult to get one I actually like. These weren't perfect. I need a haircut. But they weren't awful, either. So I posted them this morning and NOTHING! Not even a nibble! I know I should be patient but come on! No picture=nibbles. Picture=NOTHING?????? Guess I'll get that haircut!

Another interesting tidbit: monagamy is not a natural state. The natural state was that men had lots of partners to perpetuate the species and women lived with this man in groups (with the other "wives") and these other women were their main social contact during days when the men were on the hunt for food to survive. Over the course of time it became socially unacceptable in our society for a man to have more than one wife. But they are still "hardwired" with urges that some can supress and others, not so much. Things that make ya go hmmmmmmmmm!

I'm better today. I'm being proactive in my search for answers as far as finding "Mr Right" as apposed to "Mr Right Now". I'm reading a facinating book written by J M Kearns called "Why Mr. Right Can't Find You" which in my humble opinion is an honest and hopeful account of the ways we sabatoge our relationships and our quest for finding the right person for us. Which brings me to the topic, Anthropology. Which is the study of humankind. And does a lot to expain the way our brains are "hardwired" to chose our mates and why it is that in this day and age many relationships fail. The book then goes on to explain how men choose women and how women choose men. I'm having a hard time putting this book down! One thing it said is the way to be sure you always find a "player" or a "liar" or a manipulative "bad dude" is to put in a profile that you are not looking for that in a relationship which just ...

Like I mentioned before, I am a horrible judge of character. The only good thing I got from some of my relationships is a whole lot of good friends. From Frank, who stalked me when I tried to break up with him by standing in the parking lot of the apartment where I lived when I went on a date, and stole all my pretties so I wouldn't wear them for anyone else, and my answering machine so nobody else could leave me a message (wait--that's a whole story of it's own) I got Chuck and Kathleen. From Rick, who took everything that wasn't nailed down when he left I got a wonderful bunch of friends, including his girlfriend after me who he did pretty much the same thing to. So going through these tribulations of finding Mr. Right there have been good things that have come about because of these horrible relationships. But I just can't trust myself. Some girls can meet a guy, and instantly they have this wonderful relationship. Not me. I have read a lot lately on how to attra...

I have really bad love karma. Seems like there is no equity for me and love. equity [ˈɛkwɪtɪ] n pl -ties 1. the quality of being impartial or reasonable; fairness 2. an impartial or fair act, decision, etc.   Either I care and he doesn't or he cares and I don't. This led me (recently) to tell a really nice man goodbye to be with (what turned out to be) a not so nice man. Who said, incidently, "he was NOT a player" and asked "do you want to go steady?". Then cancelled a date and disappeared. So I guess this is karma. And a vicious circle.